Good morning.
First, I would like to say thank you for having such a passion for spreading love?daily. Starting my day like this really opens my mind and fills it with awareness, positivity,?and most of all?love. And it?s so well written. As a writer myself, I can definitely appreciate it.
Anyhow, after reading today?s article,?im wondering if im wrong for feeling my emotions and reacting negatively although it feels justifiable. I have a female cousin who grew up with a rough life, so i understand where a lot of her insecurities come from. Her outlook on life and relationships boggles my mind and because i just cant understand how u become 26 with no growth at all!!!! I mean she literally says things like, ?I need friends thats uglier than me, so i can get all the attention?? I mean, really? At 26, with no job, no car, no money, and (most importantly) no plan, this is actually apart of her conversation. GROW UP!!!!!
Now because of her financial situation, she has an ex lover/room mate who covers all the bills she has, including spending,?because she has absolutely no income. He?s barely there because he works, plus he?s grown and does not have to be if he chooses otherwise. Cant get her to understand that. She talks about this man as if he is scum of the earth and does nothing for her. I forgot to mention that she moved out of the apartment they lived in together here in Virginia to move to Ohio to live with and marry another man. That didnt work so after 2 weeks, she moved back and still wants respect. Be for real!! She complains about what the ex doesnt do (when he?s paying all the bills) meanwhile, the ex in Ohio doesnt do anything.
So when i hear her being ungrateful as if she grew up with a silver spoon, it does something to me. I tell her all the time to look at the glass half full instead of half empty and she thinks im defending her Va ex because i want her to appreciate the things she has.
My thing is regardless of your past with him (and she aint perfect either) he?s the only one helping you so be thankful and take advantage of your situation. Her thing is that a man is supposed to pay all the bills. SMDH lol. I cant get her to realize that shes in the real world and that things dont work the way she wants them to so im tired of trying. Im only 23. Why am i having these conversations with my big cousin?
I decided that i was going to let that relationship breathe for a while. Didnt contact her or accept calls from her for several days. I dont like negativity. I try to live a feng shui lifestyle so when i come around and i cant be happy for myself and excited about whats going on in my life because youre not excited about yours, I DONT NEED TO BE THERE. Now i say what i say to her out of love because everybody else going to tell you what you want to hear. I have to tell you what you need to hear?only because i care. She sent a text a few days later saying how she got her car fixed and that she thought about what i said and made up with her Va ex (which wasnt my point?just be appreciative). And even though i was happy for her, she still just didnt get it so i didnt respond because i didnt know what to say. That made me mad again. After a week, she sent another text saying that im not a real friend because im mad at something petty and how i need to mind my own business (the business she tells me) and how im out of line and dont need to tell her what to do with her life.
Right then, i knew i was dealing with a child, but instead of me keeping my composure, i sent a reply that summed up my feelings lovingly and somewhat respectfully but in true leo fashion? DONT PLAY WITH ME. She replied as if we were going to text back and forth but i had said everything i needed to say so i was done. She went from calling names to saying how she was upset with me for us ending up here and then to she love me and take care. All this with no response in between.
I know shes a kid though so i expected all of it. What this did for me was confirmed how i felt to begin with. Even though were cousins, we dont have a healthy relationship and i dont benefit.
We dont talk about the things that feed my spirit.
We dont talk about being mothers?she talks about having light skinned babies.
We dont talk about being housewives?we talk about not having to work.
All in all, we?re nothing alike?not compatible. I emailed one situation, but my frustration stems from a number of things. To me, she just doesnt get it and im tired of being the bad person because the truth hurts but I HAVE to tell her. Thats my job as a cousin, but i quit. I have my own life to tend to. Why should i let someone elses life take away from mine.
Any advice would help, and thanks for listening.
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This was shared with the author?s permission. We take your privacy seriously and would never publish something without your consent. Share what you?re going through by sending Mastin an email:WhatImGoingThru@TheDailyLove.com.
Source: http://thedailylove.com/daily-share-letting-go-of-a-toxic-relationship-2/
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